how to describe characters

Zachary asks:

“Was curious of you could give me a bit of writing advice. I am attempting to write in Omnipresence style but I find myself lacking backdrop details and describing characters without beating the reader to death with them. If you are willing to share tips I’d appreciate them.”

I think the trick is to keep descriptions 1.) brief, 2.) evocative of the senses, and 3.) metaphorical if suitable to the scene. Like, if you’re describing something, it’s good to hit two of the senses if possible, maybe even a few more. As for a metaphorical description, instead of saying a house looks decrepit, you could say it looks like a drug den, an invalid’s home, a serial killer’s lair, or like the contractor cut costs by skimping on building materials. All of them evoke a different sort of house.

Let’s try an example. Right now I’m writing CLOAK OF DRAGONS, the next book with Nadia Moran, and I’m writing a scene with Nadia. Nadia, as long-time readers know, is Caucasian, 5 foot 3 inches tall, weighs in the mid 110 lbs, has brown hair, gray eyes, and in the current scene is wearing black jeans, running shoes, a gray sweater, and a black motorcycle jacket with orange stripes on the sleeves. While that is accurate, it’s clinical and somewhat tedious to read.

A more evocative description:

“The short woman wore a motorcycle jacket with orange stripes on the sleeves, and her gray eyes never stopped moving as she watched the bar. She reminded him of a spring wound a little too tight and ready to snap.” 

Or one that engages other senses:

“Yeah, you can do that,” Nadia said. Her voice would have been throaty except for the Midwestern accent and the hard edge of anger. She stepped closer, and the mixed smell of leather and motorcycle exhaust came to his nose. “Or you can sit back down.”

You can also use the description to reveal details about the character doing the observing. Like, let’s say a cranky grandmother sees Nadia walk past:

“A girl in a motorcycle jacket stalked past, a scowl on her face. Really, the way young people dressed nowadays. And the way she scowled, it was unlikely she was going to find a husband.”

Or an experienced assassin:

“He would have overlooked her as a threat, but he saw the wariness in her stance, and her gray eyes had the cold edge that only killers had. Also, he was reasonably sure that she had a gun hidden beneath the motorcycle jacket.” 

So, I suppose the law of conservation of detail comes into play. Use just as much detail as necessary to put a picture into the reader’s mind, and no more.

-JM