I, Historian
In January, due to a long string of highly improbable coincidences, I agreed to teach a college history class. Specifically, modern world history, 1789 – 1989. And I agreed to do it with only five days before the class started. Let me tell you, friends and neighbors, teaching a class you’ve never taught before with only five days of preparation time is a trip.
Fortunately, I pulled it off so handily that I’m going to teach again in August. This time, ancient/medieval history, 3100 BC – 1500 AD. Western Civilization 1, basically. Handy tip: having five months to prepare is vastly superior to having five days.
Everyone reading this has been either a student or a teacher at one time, so you can relate to my next story. You know how students usually start packing up 5 – 7 minutes before the class actually ends – putting their notebooks away, checking their cell phones, and so forth. Some teachers get annoyed by this, but I’ve come to view it as a game. Do you know what the key to holding students’ attention is? The trick is to tell them stories of unimaginable and horrifying brutality. Because that holds their attention, and if they don’t actually start packing up until you tell them class is done, then you know you’ve gotten to them. And this is easy to do in 20th century history, because the 20th century is one long string of stories of unimaginable and horrifying brutality. Lucky for me! Less lucky for humanity, though.
History teaches perspective, and I hope that’s what the students gain from the class. Realistic perspective. Life in 21st century America may not be peaches and roses, but it is still infinitely better than life in Stalin’s Soviet Union – Stalin was the sort of man who should have carved a Glasgow smile across his cheeks, covered his face with white paint, and dressed in a purple suit.
But a lighter note. For modern world history, I had to cover 200 years, and I calculated that meant I had to cover about eight years per class. But for my next class, I cover about 4500 years, which means I need to go over about 175 years per class. The trick will be knowing what to leave out – there’s so much to cover. And it’s all relevant! Did you know that we got the 60-minute hour from the Sumerians? Or that monotheism was the first step towards a scientific worldview? Or that the war between Sparta and Athens had eerie parallels to the First World War?
Of course, that kind of thing doesn’t hold students’ attention. But I suspect the story about the Assyrian king covering a pillar in the flayed skins of his captured enemies will.
-JM